Funniest One Liners Funny Short Jokes

By | July 4, 2017

FUNNIEST ONE LINERS : These jokes are the collection of humorous and most funniest one liners that will make us laugh and bring smile on our faces.Here You Can Know Funniest One Liners these are the collection of sarcastic and most funniest one liners.Both elders and kids enjoy these jokes and they will make us tickle our stomach and makes us laugh loud.After all laughter is the best medicine and we have to enjoy jokes and laugh as often as possible.Enjoy the jokes. here also available Funny Short Jokes  As Soon As Possible We Will Update more Funniest One Liners Jokes and Short Jokes

Funniest One Liners Funny Short Jokes

Funny One Liner Jokes

Here you can know about funniest one liner jokes . here we updated more and more jokes for getting entertainment. we hope this article very help for who are searching for the Funniest One Liner Jokes. more bad jokes available this website once check and enjoy guys

 

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

 

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

 

Funniest One Liner Jokes :

The four most beautiful words in our common language: 
I told you so.

 

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.

 

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

 

“Next time I send a damn fool, 
I go myself.”

 

Funniest One Liners

jokes one liner funniest

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

 

I bought one of those tapes to teach you Spanish in your sleep. During the night, the tape skipped. Now I can only stutter in Spanish.

 

If i had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

 

You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

 

You’re not fat, you’re just… easier to see.

When I was growing up, my mother’s best dish was store-bought Entenmann’s chocolate chip cookies.

 

Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the

lobsters in the ship’s kitchen.

Funny Short Jokes 

funny short jokes

Here You can know Funny Jokes it will very help for who are searching for the Best Funny jokes

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

 

 

Probably the worst thing you can hear when you’re wearing a bikini is “Good for you!”

Some people just have a way with words, and other people … oh … not have way.

 

Isn’t it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.

 

All pro athletes are 
bilingual. They speak English and profanity.

 

Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn’t that be an even number?

 

When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.

 

I don’t want to brag, but I do speak pig Latin; I mean, I’m not fluent, but I’m sure 
if I ever went there, I could get by.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Funny Short Jokes :

funniest short jokes

Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship’s kitchen.

 

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

 

I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

 

Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.

 

 

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

funniest jokes one liner

Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I’m a mile away and I have his shoes.

 

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

 

Intelligence is like an underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.

 

Feeling pretty proud of myself. The Sesame Street puzzle I bought said 3-5 years, but I finished it in 18 months.

 

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

 

If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

 

Take my advice — I’m not using it.

 

Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely.

 

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all

you can think is “act natural, you’re innocent”.

 

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her

computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

 

I changed my password to “incorrect”. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say “Your password is incorrect”.

 

Childs experience: if a mother is laughing at the fathers jokes, it means they have guests.

 

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

 

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

 

 

Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

 

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

 

Two wrongs don’t make a right, take your parents as an example.

 

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

 

When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.

 

When Miley Cyrus gets naked & licks a hammer it’s “art” & “music”. But when I do it, I’m “drunk” and “have to leave the hardware store”.

 

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

 

I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now, I think I’ll start calling them traditions.

 

My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.

 

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea … does that mean that one enjoys it?

 

I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it’s been doing is gathering dust.

 

Never laugh at your girlfriends choices… your one of them.

 

I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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